Am I Asking for Too Much? - Ask Candace - Advice Column

Am I Asking for Too Much?

Ask Candace - Advice Column

Hey Candace,

I’m a plus-size woman in my 30s and I’m tired. Tired of dating men who say they like me but won’t claim me. They enjoy my body in private but hesitate in public. I’m starting to wonder if I’m asking for too much by wanting consistency, affection, and to be seen. Am I expecting too much?

— Tired of Almosts

Hey Tired,

Let me say this clearly and slowly so it lands:

You are not asking for too much. You are asking the wrong person.

Some people are very comfortable benefiting from your softness, your body, your laughter—without offering you safety or pride in return. That has nothing to do with your size and everything to do with their capacity.

Here’s the truth many of us weren’t taught early enough:

If someone can only love you in pieces or in private, they are not loving you at all.

You deserve a love that stands upright. One that doesn’t whisper. One that doesn’t need dim lighting or secrecy to survive. Wanting consistency, affection, and visibility is not a big ask, it’s the bare minimum.

And listen, being plus-size does not mean you have to negotiate your worth. You don’t owe anyone access to your body in exchange for crumbs of attention.

Hold your standards close. The right person won’t be intimidated by them, they’ll rise to meet them.

With love,

Candace

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