So, about the #28daysofselflovechallenge

Photo by: Jose Pagan Photography

Every year around this time I feel pulled to take some time for self evaluation.  A few years ago, on my mental health Instagram page--- Black Mental Health Awareness formally Openly Broken, I challenged myself to focus on my mental health by addressing issues in my life by reading up on certain topics such as depression, anxiety, self-love, self-care, self-sabotage, self-medication and others.  

Even though now in 2021 these terms are heard and spoken more, in the past these were terms that I was not very familiar with.  My life changed in such a great way that every year I would do the same thing.

Well, this year was no different, but it was...lol.  I set out to live my #28daysofselflove out loud but I haven't been able to do that.  This year has been very emotionally draining and my strength has come from retreating from social media and mindless activities.  This is the space where I've had most revelation on things in my life that I need to address.

So let's recap.

I knew I was going to walk into this challenge addressing a few areas of my life:

1. Relationships

2. Finances

3. Health

I know it sounds simple but what I've learned is that these are just surface items that underneath represent deeper things.  Let me explain.

Photo by: Jose Pagan Photography

Relationships

I wrote relationships first because although its not my most pressing issue at the moment, I realized that I'm always in a relationship even when it is not a romantic relationship.  Years ago I remember realizing that focusing on my family relationships, friendships, and partnerships was just as important as working on romantic relationships.  It's just a preview of how I would behave in a romantic relationship with conflict arose, when it was time to communicate difficult feelings and just the day to day things that come up when two people try to relate.

Family Relationships

When it comes to family relationships, this year and last year my focus has been on my relationship with my children.  Learning from them and teaching them through my past experiences was tough.  I had to be honest with them in a way that didn't always present me in the best light and that was hard but necessary so that I can provide them with the tools they needed for success in life.  

We still have a lot of work but the most important lesson I've learned with my children is that there will always be situations to address but in this relationship I want to address things in a way that produces growth in all of us and that's not always easy but I'm grateful for the knowledge and the acknowledgement of this.  It's improved my relationship with my children.

Photo by: Jose Pagan Photography

Romantic Relationships

When it comes to relationships the main thing that I've had to focus on is MYSELF! In the past when I've addressed relationship issues I really focused on surface situations and how to respond to them but this year I was pulled in much deeper to address issues that did not have anything to do with an outside person but things within myself that only showed up in my relationships.  

That meant looking at how I dealt with conflict, setting boundaries, expressing how I feel, forgiveness, pride and communication.  It's been real intense y'all. 

So a reoccurring theme with me is not addressing things when I clearly see there is an issue.  And a lot of that stemmed from me not trusting myself.  I remember when I first became aware of this and it was very shocking to me. 

I always felt like I was very self-assured, but when I really took the time to examine this I recognized how much I relied on others opinions or outside suggestions for my own decisions.  And this really was magnified in relationships.  I relied too heavy on that person to help make my own personal decisions.  

This type of thinking has affected other relationships as well including my business partnerships.  I have already begun to see improvements in my relationships by lightly addressing these things.  I know I have a lot more to learn and experience but I feel more up to the challenge of relationships with this deeper understanding of myself.

Moral of the story: When it comes to relationships: I can NEVER lose myself again (period, period, period!)

I've learned a lot more and I plan to write more about it in the future.  It's still an ongoing process:)

Finances and Health revelations coming soon!

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