Phatabulous Magazine

  Photo Credit: Jose Pagan Photography He Prepared A Place for Me The #28daysofselflove challenge started a few years ago and it was an attempt for me to carve out some time in my life to address how I was loving me.   I was looking for love and wanting love from others, but I never really asked myself how I was loving me.   How much did I love me?   Do I love me enough to address my issues? Do I love me enough to: -         Set boundaries -         Communicate properly -         Address issues head on -         Learn to resolve conflict -         Learn about my triggers and figure out how to manage them -         Understanding what it takes to be mentally well -         Self-care and why it’s important -         Managing the relationships in my life   Started from The Bottom Now We’re Here: I was lower than low in my spirit and in my mind.   But God “prepared a table for me… (Psalm 23:5)” God put someone in my life who could see me and help me to address my i

 Boundaries 2.0  Photo by: Jose Pagan Photography Jumpsuit by: Style Your Curves Click link to purchase other plus size fashions  https://www.styleyourcurves.com/discount/PHATMAG2021 I never realized how important boundaries were until I learned about them.  Like seriously, I was in my 30s before I understood what boundaries are, why they're needed and how to properly set them in your life.  When I did begin to set them I set them for people that were outside my immediate circle.  I'm calling this blog post Boundaries 2.0 but there was definitely more pieces to the puzzle that I didn't realize. My boundaries are super important to me these days. I guess bc I’ve gone years without them.  Looking at this list almost triggers me bc it reminds me of the times very close people who said they loved and cared about me continued to break my boundaries only because they thought they could.  They thought it was not a big deal even though I expressed my displeasure. They were so comfo

So, about the #28daysofselflovechallenge Photo by: Jose Pagan Photography Every year around this time I feel pulled to take some time for self evaluation.  A few years ago, on my mental health Instagram page--- Black Mental Health Awareness formally Openly Broken , I challenged myself to focus on my mental health by addressing issues in my life by reading up on certain topics such as depression, anxiety, self-love, self-care, self-sabotage, self-medication and others.   Even though now in 2021 these terms are heard and spoken more, in the past these were terms that I was not very familiar with.  My life changed in such a great way that every year I would do the same thing. Well, this year was no different, but it was...lol.  I set out to live my #28daysofselflove out loud but I haven't been able to do that.  This year has been very emotionally draining and my strength has come from retreating from social media and mindless activities.  This is the space where I've had most reve

 Let God Be The Father After my father passed away I remember riding in the car with my mom and boldly declaring to my mom that I would be alright because God had assured me that he would be the best Father I could ever had.  I stood strong on that promise for awhile.  But somewhere down the road I lost sight of exactly what that meant. Years later, in a very low moment God reminded me of the words he whispered to me long ago.  At first I tossed the thought aside thinking, realistically how could God truly be a replacement for my natural father who has been deceased for more than half of my life. I began to get upset and emotional.  I blamed God for where I was at the time.  I cursed him and said, if you would have saved his life mine would be better and because he's not here I've suffered a far worse fate. At times I do still have feelings of sadness, anger and regret.  However I no longer allow them to cause me to make reckless decisions with my heart.  For a long time I tru

What does Fashion Have To Do With It??? I had a friend that would always tease me about how many times I changed my clothes in one day.   I’d honestly never even noticed that I did that.   Well, I guess I didn’t notice that it was uncommon.   We spent a lot of time together so she would see me for long stretches of time and began to question why I changed my clothes.   And my explanations were never enough.   I would say, “Oh, well I just left school so now I’m changing into something to sit around the house in, or now I’m going to the store.”   And in my head, it made sense to change clothes for the specific location or occasion, but I learned that a lot of people keep on the same clothes all day long.   And don’t get me wrong I’m not judging.   If you don’t judge me on my frequent wardrobe changes (for nothing) then I’m good! What I noticed over time though is that I totally stopped doing that.   I wouldn’t change as many times per day or depending on where I was going.   I wouldn’

Life Without Self-Love: 28 Days Of Self Love- Day 2 by Candace L. Smith Thank you for joining the 28daysofselflove challenge.   I want to challenge you to participate in these conversations with me for 28 days and join in the discussion and activities. We will have homework to help incorporate some new ideas and new habits into our lives right now where we’re at. Please subscribe to my magazines Duval Connect, Pasco Connect and Phatabulous Magazine, you can find a variety of community related conversations from a diverse group of people within the Black Community advocating for Black men women and children.                                             What is self-love? The more important question is what is lifelike without it.  I’ve learned that it means having a high regard for your own well being and happiness.  But there was a time when I did not realize that.  My life without self-love was a life without caring for myself.   I was exhausted all the time, but I continued to fin

Phatabulous Magazine: February 2021 Cover Reveal!!!!

I started my self-love journey with a broken heart. by Candace L. Smith I broke my own heart. When I began to learn what it takes to properly love yourself, to love me, it broke my heart.  It broke my heart to realize that I cared so little for myself that I hadn't set any real boundaries in relationships.  It broke my heart to learn that I had neglected to properly show love to me but was trying so desperately to love others. It was heart breaking. For me.  Self - Love is the show I show to myself.  Love is an action word so it then becomes the action that I express towards myself.  So what is love?  Because I had not examined what love is through how I treated myself I could not start there so I started where I spent the majority of my time and that was: how have I been attempting to love others. When I love someone I care about their well-being.  Well, how had I been caring for my own well-being?  The answer to that was I wasn't.  I wasn't worried about me being well.  I